My particular client recently gave birth to her stillborn, and is only a few months raw. I say this term because it is. It’s raw and unreal. I prepare myself for her session by looking back at where I was during a few months after my son was born still. And there are certain milestones and triggers that are now part of my life.
I remember I forced myself to find a full-time job to help pay for my hospital bills (you know…the one where I was charged for hospital services even though this was not your normal labor and delivery. And don’t get me wrong, I am thankful and appreciate all the support from the medical staff, but at least some financial scholarship would have helped during such a terrible time.) Thanks for reading that rant…now back to my reflection.
My body was finally done bleeding and internally healing from pregnancy and C-section. I was determined to heal properly, so I had physical therapy appointments to retrain my body; to sit upright, to walk, to run, to go to the bathroom, and to lift things. I had to force my self to go for walks and practice using my abdominal muscles again. And through all this, I also cried myself in my car on my lunch break, locked myself in public bathrooms to sob, prayed to Lolo, gave myself daily Reiki, and visited my son’s burial site almost every day.
How does someone do that?…Honestly, we’re forced to. The days move forward without asking if you want to participate. There’s no way for you to pause or rewind your life back to the time your baby was living. And that’s how you do it.
So, as I plan for my upcoming client, I find empathy for what she may be going through. I send distant Reiki to our time we will spend together. And I create an open and loving space to just be. To feel the sadness, the loss, her breath and intend to fill her heart with peace, hope, and for just one moment be still with her heart.