Postpartum and depressed feelings; call it what you will. I was sad, depressed, and gave myself the grace to embrace these characteristics because I wasn’t tending to my son like I imagined I was going to be. I gave myself grace to sleep, cry, and remain in the same clothes for days. Grace for days instilled in my heart.
No longer was I to dream about it; die from it, escape from it, near to it.
Grace. For the love of it, for the love of myself. Let my soul sleep, remain in peace in the quiet in the stillness until I am ready to come out again. And now, here I am. Grace, a moment of grace, a moment of time to give yourself. Grace, a moment of time to give yourself grief, a break.
Dedicated to my son, my soul, and my fellow mamas and daddys who need more grace.
~Christine Markowski, Usui/Holy Fire II Karuna ® Reiki Master
I know what you may be thinking, it has been almost one year since my last post. Back then, my husband and I were expecting our first child. We were excited and anticipated the new family addition. I wrote about Reiki during pregnancy, and using it through labor.
Now 1 year later, I want to say thank you for your patience. It has been a difficult year; tough to live, tough to write.
I lost my baby during labor; and I don’t how to say that without stunning others or making them uncomfortable. But it is a story that happens more than we speak about.
To write is to bear all, leaving the author exposed and vulnerable; and I’m not ready for that. I’ve tried many times to write and this post is all I can do. But I will soon be ready, because this is a story worth telling. I plan to blog about it; and about how Reiki is healing me in many ways. But for now, I must heal myself.