Sharing my personal experiences as a Reiki Master to support others

Posts tagged ‘pregnancy after loss’

…4 years out.

4 years ago my life changed; from good to bad to worse to okay. For those of you who have been following my blog, thank you. It has evolved from Reiki guidance to unraveling my deepest sadness while using Reiki as a tool to help me process and grieve the loss of my first born, my son, Lolo. The sadness that comes with losing a baby, the word doesn’t begin to describe it. No one knows how you feel, not even another loss parent because each journey is its own. Yes, there are similarities, but there are differences. And now I’m 4 years from the moment I laid my eyes on him. From the moment I held him, felt him move inside me, saw his warm face. But marking this calendar moment at 4 years does not mean anything. I still can recall the exact events in full detail, just like it was yesterday. The pain is not as heart-wrenching for long periods of time; it just comes and goes now. But that’s because we’ve added two more little sisters to our family; we made Lolo a big brother. And we’re learning to intertwine our lives with the loss of Lolo, because he is around spiritually, guiding us, playing with us, loving us from abound. We’re teaching our girls that although we can’t see him, he is there.

And that is what Reiki has also taught me. That even though we can’t see the energy, the love is there waiting for us when we are ready.

~Lolo’s mom

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…to begin again.

reiki-tiger

Image borrowed from jerrylofaro.cgsociety.org

There was something weighing heavy in my heart as I approached these last few weeks of pregnancy.  I was feeling scared, filled with butterflies from my pelvis to my heart.  This feeling radiated outward from my chest; and I knew releasing these feelings were key to a progressive and calm labor.  Moreover, I didn’t want these feelings present as I begin my new relationship with my baby girl.

 

And this morning I was finally ready to let go of these emotions through a Holy Fire Reiki meditation.  As a Karuna Reiki Master, I learned several meditations and mantras that support healing past experiences.  I chanted three mantras that focused on my trusting life, manifesting my goals, and healing my heart.  As I chanted these mantras with my hands on my pelvis and heart, out of no-where I heard the phrase, “begin again.”  Hearing those words immediately connected with the tightly bound ball of emotions I had.  I thought, “begin again, yes, that is what I want to do.”  I want to be ready to begin again, to begin another new life in my little family, to go through labor and delivery again.  To begin again.  And I began to cry.  As I released a load of feelings, I felt validated.  These are truths, worthy feelings that come with a pregnancy after loss.  Not everyone experiences this, but they do exist.

As that release of emotions passed through me, there was a bit more heartache remaining.  So I invited Holy Fire Reiki to come in to me.  I wanted to replace any residual anxiety with love, compassion, and confidence.  With an immediate answer, I felt the presence of warmth and love flow through me like a soothing wave.  I felt at peace.  And with my hand on my heart, I heard a voice say, “you have everything you need within you.”  Again, I cried when I heard these words.  And through these tears and gasping breaths, I released the fears that were holding me back.  Holding me back from moving forward with this new little one, this new little girl, Lolo’s baby sister.

And now, I am ready.  Ready more than I have been before, because of this Reiki meditation.  And if any lingering feelings come back around, I will fill myself with Holy Fire Reiki and trust that I have everything I need within me.

I am now ready to bring my little tiger into the world.  We cannot wait to meet her.

Thank you for reading and being open to Reiki.  It is my joy to bring peace to others using Reiki.  With love and compassionate embraces,

~Christine

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