Sharing my personal experiences as a Reiki Master to support others

Posts tagged ‘stillborn’

…to begin again.

reiki-tiger

Image borrowed from jerrylofaro.cgsociety.org

There was something weighing heavy in my heart as I approached these last few weeks of pregnancy.  I was feeling scared, filled with butterflies from my pelvis to my heart.  This feeling radiated outward from my chest; and I knew releasing these feelings were key to a progressive and calm labor.  Moreover, I didn’t want these feelings present as I begin my new relationship with my baby girl.

 

And this morning I was finally ready to let go of these emotions through a Holy Fire Reiki meditation.  As a Karuna Reiki Master, I learned several meditations and mantras that support healing past experiences.  I chanted three mantras that focused on my trusting life, manifesting my goals, and healing my heart.  As I chanted these mantras with my hands on my pelvis and heart, out of no-where I heard the phrase, “begin again.”  Hearing those words immediately connected with the tightly bound ball of emotions I had.  I thought, “begin again, yes, that is what I want to do.”  I want to be ready to begin again, to begin another new life in my little family, to go through labor and delivery again.  To begin again.  And I began to cry.  As I released a load of feelings, I felt validated.  These are truths, worthy feelings that come with a pregnancy after loss.  Not everyone experiences this, but they do exist.

As that release of emotions passed through me, there was a bit more heartache remaining.  So I invited Holy Fire Reiki to come in to me.  I wanted to replace any residual anxiety with love, compassion, and confidence.  With an immediate answer, I felt the presence of warmth and love flow through me like a soothing wave.  I felt at peace.  And with my hand on my heart, I heard a voice say, “you have everything you need within you.”  Again, I cried when I heard these words.  And through these tears and gasping breaths, I released the fears that were holding me back.  Holding me back from moving forward with this new little one, this new little girl, Lolo’s baby sister.

And now, I am ready.  Ready more than I have been before, because of this Reiki meditation.  And if any lingering feelings come back around, I will fill myself with Holy Fire Reiki and trust that I have everything I need within me.

I am now ready to bring my little tiger into the world.  We cannot wait to meet her.

Thank you for reading and being open to Reiki.  It is my joy to bring peace to others using Reiki.  With love and compassionate embraces,

~Christine

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…with a new Christmas perspective.

I was taught that God is a glorious, righteous being.  And I grew up believing that God doesn’t experience the same emotions that we humans do; like anger, fear, sadness, or jealously.  Now whether this is accurate or not, I am not sure; but it was with this belief that made me not understand why people would say to me, “God is gracious,” when they found out my son was stillborn.  I thought, he doesn’t empathize with my sadness, my broken heart, or my pain. How could this action be an act of grace?!!

But then I recently read a post that started to break down my ignorant and childhood belief, yet revealed more clarity and truth in my understanding of God.  This post was from another mother of a stillborn.  She wrote that God knows the same sadness as she does, because he unselfishly chose his Son to be born on Earth to heal and save us.

And in reading those words, John 3:16 had a new meaning to me.  I realized that God didn’t get to raise his Son, Jesus, like other parents did.  He sacrificed this closeness because he knew his Son was going to do great, unsurmountable things on Earth.  He loved Jesus from a distance; and Jesus knew his father loved him, even if they were apart.  With this sacrifice, God must have ached and felt emotions just like I do.

And that is my new Christmas perspective this year.  Christmas is now a day that I connect my husband and my sacrifice.  We believe our son, Lolo, is doing amazing and wonderful things wherever his spirit soars.  Despite that we are not all physically here on Earth, I know Lolo loves us, and that he knows his daddy and mama love him.

As you spend this Christmas however you do, please remember that Christmas is the day we celebrate Baby Jesus’ birth.  We celebrate the sacrifice God made so that we can be saved, forgiven, and healed here on Earth.  Although it may be difficult to believe this, if you look at the details, you may find little revelations in your life, too.

Merry Christmas,

~Christine

…trying to live in the moment.

For years I have practiced the concept of living in the moment – focusing on slowing down my life and being aware of my actions in order to enjoy my life on Earth. This is difficult for many because we fill our time with things we do not love.  In consequence, we waste precious time and energy on them.  And it wasn’t until I lost my son that I was transformed into spontaneously living this concept.

I remember in the first few months I would watch the world go by.  I could not understand how people lived their lives without pausing.  They’d wake up, take a shower, go to work, have conversations, run errands, go home, and complete the day in preparation for the next.  Barely, if any, reflection upon how their interactions effected their life, relationships, and goals. filtered_daisy_flower-710175

For me, I had a filter over my eyes letting me view everything in slow motion.  This filter let me live in the moment.  Since it was slower, I had a chance to also feel my emotions.  I witnessed my life in conjunction with others’.  It let me appreciate the little things; innocence of children playing tag, warm sun on my face, and ignorance is bliss.

I had achieved living in the moment without having to try.  And although I’ve got to believe this concept is truth no matter the situation, I don’t know if this is the place I always want to be.  While living in slow motion; I was also able to live within my own reality.  That I have lost my son, and it wasn’t a dream.  This is my reality.

And when I stop to think about the reality of my moments, sometimes I wish that wasn’t the moment I was living in.

For all those who are caught between a dream and reality~for those who want to understand living life with loss~

With love and appreciation for your reading,

~Christine

 

 

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