…trying to live in the moment.

For years I have practiced the concept of living in the moment – focusing on slowing down my life and being aware of my actions in order to enjoy my life on Earth. This is difficult for many because we fill our time with things we do not love.  In consequence, we waste precious time and energy on them.  And it wasn’t until I lost my son that I was transformed into spontaneously living this concept.

I remember in the first few months I would watch the world go by.  I could not understand how people lived their lives without pausing.  They’d wake up, take a shower, go to work, have conversations, run errands, go home, and complete the day in preparation for the next.  Barely, if any, reflection upon how their interactions effected their life, relationships, and goals. 

For me, I had a filter over my eyes letting me view everything in slow motion.  This filter let me live in the moment.  Since it was slower, I had a chance to also feel my emotions.  I witnessed my life in conjunction with others’.  It let me appreciate the little things; innocence of children playing tag, warm sun on my face, and ignorance is bliss.

I had achieved living in the moment without having to try.  And although I’ve got to believe this concept is truth no matter the situation, I don’t know if this is the place I always want to be.  While living in slow motion; I was also able to live within my own reality.  That I have lost my son, and it wasn’t a dream.  This is my reality.

And when I stop to think about the reality of my moments, sometimes I wish that wasn’t the moment I was living in.

For all those who are caught between a dream and reality~for those who want to understand living life with loss~

With love and appreciation for your reading,

~Christine